You’re a woman who lives in fear of being fully herself.
You hate some parts of your body, you often compare yourself to other women and think you are less. You’ve been looking everywhere for tips and tricks to a fulfilled life but you are afraid of making the wrong choices and this leaves you feeling stuck.
You have this sensation of emptiness and you know deep inside that it mostly comes from doubting your intuition.
You’re unsatisfied from self-sabotaging your desires and all you do is never enough because you fail at trying to be perfect for everybody and putting everyone else first.
I know what it means to feel like this, I’ve been where you are. I now love being myself and I live a life guided by my intuition and with pleasure as my compass. So, you can come on the other side, too.
I help women like you discover their feminine power and the pleasure to be themselves, tap into that intuition, plug into their desires, put themselves first so they’re able to enjoy a life full of passion in every area, as the powerful, playful women they’re born to be.
Back in 1999 I was a teen and was having a lot of fun with friends, boys, preparing to apply for College. In one night, everything changed. Smashed. Destroyed.
My beloved sister died in a motorbike accident.
After losing her, I went in an emotional black hole. I lost all the projects we had made together, traveling, living together, having someone to share my life with until our old age…. I lost the meaning of sisterhood and the deep trust in the fact that it would have last forever. I lost my joy. I lost any desire of a future project. I lost my ability to speak up with my voice and I couldn’t speak my truth anymore. I lost my ability to feel the pleasure to be alive and to connect with someone on a hearty level. I was too afraid that my huge suffering would come up and wipe me out along with everything and everyone around me. So, I kept all my emotions locked up during 99% of the time. The 1% of the time when my grief would come out were terrible and completely not manageable to me.
For the next years I moved on autopilot. I took care of my heartbroken parents, I applied for College in Milan instead of abroad and basically I moved on as if no big deal had really happened.
I studied a lot, I fell in love madly with a dog that actually helped me survive and grounded me. I often used marijuana so I would not feel my emotions.
Then, an African woman smiled at me
I traveled and worked in Africa and there, in a broken Swaziland where people were killed by AIDS, I remember meeting an old woman who lived in a hut who had lost most of her family. I still see that beautiful smile and her way of laughing at everything. In that moment of meeting her, something clicked in me and I understood that despite all the losses and traumas a human being can experience, her/his true essences are love and joy. That’s why the perspective of my loss changed in some way and although I couldn’t embrace it yet because I held grief so tight inside of me, I started to see things a bit differently and my resilience and my smile came back.
I went on to major in Business of International Relationships and Public Administration and when I presented my final work to 50 people, I was so emotional that I couldn’t speak. My professor told me they had to lower my grade because my emotions so deterred from the presentation. This felt like yet another reason to keep them locked up inside of me.
I graduated, then started working and I kept acting as if everything was fine.
Duty always came first and to be honest there was not really much pleasure left in me.
Seven years went by. Five of psychotherapy were I barely could talk about myself and my sister, because, you know, everything was fine. I had to go on with my duties to take care of my curriculum, my job, my social life, my family, my dog…
Love started to change everything
Everything changed when I fell deeply in love with Antonio and after a short time our family grew.
I remember that I started to feel and face my emotions while giving birth to my daughter. In that moment of enormous physical pain a new feeling of connection to my body rose and I found out that feeling meant that I was alive!
My children opened up my heart and my emotions. I started to read everything I could on raising kids and then I started to follow only what I felt it was right for me. They have been my emotional gym and through their love I started to heal myself and started to trust my intuition and name it.
Around 2013/2014 I hit bottom and I felt a huge pull to do something bigger.
In that period, although I had this huge source of love that was my family, I felt shut down, stuck in a job that I was good at but I didn’t love. I loved being a mother but I was so unfulfilled and frustrated on a personal level that I felt like my family was kind of a jail.
I felt I was living a mediocre life and what made everything harder is that all the people that I knew thought I was living a perfect life: I had a house, kids, love, a job that I could manage in terms of time, health.
I was not happy. I was not alive.
The worst thing is that I was not aware of myself at all so I was not completely aware of this group of feelings. The only thing I could feel was that my happy-end comedy was becoming a mediocre fairy-tale in which I as the main character. I was’t happy and I was’t thriving.
In some minor ways, I hit bottom and I felt I needed to jump back into the black hole I avoided all those years with all the doing, smoking, drinking, parenting, going out, and most of all not feeling.
I remember endless nights cooking and drinking a beer so that I could have some change in perspective and something that amused me.
I remember leaving my kids for the first time for a girls weekend to Rome and being afraid of taking a train by myself. There was a part of me that couldn’t believe it. I went all over the world but in that moment of my life I could not take a train and travel for 3 hours. I was afraid to get lost.
Years before I had read a book in which the main character was trained to become a shaman and initiated to have long and deep orgasms that connected her to Universe. I kept that in mind and I started to compare every intercourse that I had to that experience described in the book. That same year I started to question my sexual life. My relationship with my husband had always been blessed by great chemistry but I couldn’t surrender to pleasure and have fun. I kept on thinking about other things while making love and I felt inadequate and not enough. I knew it was not him, it was just me again being bored, stuck and not able to be present and have pleasure in that moment.
I was working but I was not that happy. So I applied to a well-known online business school, that changed my life.
For the first time I considered the idea of becoming an entrepreneur and I faced the fact that there were thousands of men and women around the world doing what they loved and in a non-conventional job.
In that moment of my life I read Marianne Williamson’s super famous quote “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us” and I understood deep inside that I wanted to know that light.
So I started my business as a business motivator for women and blocks started to emerge, as business is one of the fastest way to process your unresolved stuff. The feeling of not being enough and continuous self-sabotaging stopped me from thriving for quite some time.
The same year I found myself with my brain blank in front of a book in which the author was asking me what my desires were. I had no idea. Really. No idea of what I wanted. I remember thinking “Oh no, I am too young not to have desires…let’s do something about this!” So I started to let myself dream. I wrote a big list of desires and how I wanted to feel.
When I was a child I remember my mom telling me “Elisa, you are never satisfied” as I always wanted more. Well, that feeling of unfulfillment and dissatisfaction I guess actually made me get out of mediocrity and search for something bigger.
Since 2014, the year of those clicks, my life has been a roller coaster of going deep in my emotions, learning business tools, attending to coaching school and combining spiritual, energetic, pleasure, orgasmic, sisterhood and manifesting-my-desires tools. I basically used my education to grow, face my fears and go deep inside them and heal myself. In a certain way I felt like I had to make-over 10 years of stuckness.
I went to London to do a Mastermind with a manifesting expert and opened up to the fact that I could have success and dream big.
I applied to an online course on Pleasure to get better in my sexual life and in order to get over my fear of traveling I went to Miami for 5 days for the closing weekend of the course. There I was enchanted by 600 women of every shape and age being happy and sensual in their body. When I started crying without stopping because we did an exercise in which we had to get out our grief/sadness/rage I understood that I couldn’t avoid from taking the next step. I flew to NYC four times that spring to attend a mastery where I was introduced to the pleasures of being a woman in every aspect of life and its healing powers and I became friends with a group of women that made me open my heart to sisterhood again.
I still was not sure what my place in the world was and I didn’t trust my intuition deeply so I flew to Ibiza to connect to my inner sacred woman with an amazing shaman and I found out that meditating for me was dancing and that I could connect with my deeper self and facilitate circles of women. Then I participated to retreat here in Tuscany where I became aware I had the survivor’s syndrome and I accepted to be alive again and not in a mediocre way, but in a super way because I became aware of my divine essence. In another retreat I also learnt leadership from a horse ( I am not kidding, they are great teachers!) which has been one of the most amazing experiences ever.
I found dancing qoya and discovered that through movement we remember that as women we are wild, wise and free. Through this deep connection with my body, I found that I could have all the answers that I’d flown around the world looking for. I knew I had to share this with others, so decided to learn more so I could teach qoya.
Meanwhile, I graduated as a Sex, Love, and Relationship coach at an institute where I studied tantra, jade egg, transformational techniques to help myself and women to integrate every block that separate us from their desire and their authenticity. Needless to say my orgasmic life has changed and that to be honest now I would dare say that my life is orgasmic :-).
If I look behind I am amazed of how much my intuition has guided me and how much I have suffered trying to trust it and drop self-doubt, self sabotaging and battling against my sense of guilt in putting myself first.
It took me 17 years to accept that my life went different than I desired. It took me 10 of this 17 years to get deeply in touch with myself, 4 of these of deep conscious transformation.
Now my relationship is even more amazing, my sexual life is sacred and connects me to the divine, I love my body, I always try to balance my family time with my me-time, I walk around happy to be me, I finally value and work for sisterhood, I do only what my intuition tells me to do and I am full of pleasure and happiness thinking that I get to live this life being myself.
The question and the compass that directs my choices is now “will this bring me pleasure?”.
That’s why I am on my mission to guide amazing women that don’t know they are amazing to finally tap into the pleasure of being themselves, reconnect to their beautiful body no matter how heavy, old or different from others it is, helping them access their intuition and plug into their desires through coaching, qoya, tantra, jade-egg, business tools and live a life in which they are wildly free to be their authentic self.
Write to me. I would love to be of service to you.
Here is to you and to your powerful, playful and turned on life as a woman.
Go and Vivi Accesa, live a turned on life!!!